How to design your life’s purpose

I spent far too much time trying to find a passion or a purpose. It didn’t work.

I looked in self-help books, browsed lists of the most profitable or in-demand professions, and listened to random people pontificate about the best possible thing you can do with your life.

It wasn’t until I decided to just start doing stuff that I got some traction.

I started small: I picked a theme for a year and set about designing ways to make that happen.

For example, 2023 was the year of “doing stuff with my partner” and scheduled time to find and book events. The result: we went to 14 gigs to see some amazing bands and checked out some fantastic art galleries.

Here’s the difference: for a long time, I was trying to think my way to a purpose. But purpose is about doing. You get started and see where it takes you.

We’re going to break that down by asking two questions:

• What does life ask of you?
• What action do you need to take?

Both questions come with a challenge: how do you answer them without turning on autopilot or letting societal pressure drag you in one direction or another. So we’re going to look a way to manage that as well.

What does life ask of you?

In his book Man’s search for meaning – his book about surviving during the Holocaust – psychologist Viktor Frankl argues that people define their purpose through deliberate action. You don’t find your purpose. You make it. And not just once – repeatedly.

People, he says, “should not ask what the meaning of their life is” but, instead, realise that life is questioning them. Every day, your life asks you what you’re going to do with it.

And, according to Frankl, you “can only respond by being responsible” for your life. You find meaning in the world by acting it in – not in the closed system of your mind.

This approach has limits

Taken to its extreme, Frankl’s view of meaning could be boiled down to “it’s your fault your life sucks”. It can get pretty individualistic pretty quickly if it’s not paired with a sense of community and an acknowledgment of how interconnected our lives are.

You can’t just ignore the limits placed on people by the systems our societies create. They’re real and undeniable. And the meaning you can create in your life will likely be shaped by those systems in some way.

To that, Frankl would likely point to this passage in Man’s search for meaning:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

He also suggested that people live as if they were “living already for the second time” and they “had acted the first time as wrongly” as they’re about to act now.

His point being that no matter the circumstances you face, you still have choices to make. And you can make ones that point you in a meaningful direction. Your mileage may vary but the key, it seems, is to focus on the now and what you can realistically accomplish.

What action do you need to take?

Shoma Morita was a Japanese psychologist and a contemporary of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.^[1]

Morita’s approach to psychotherapy, draws from Zen Buddhism, doesn’t focus on ending someone’s symptoms. Instead, it‘s about encouraging beneficial actions and helping people let go of desires and anxieties.

It has three basic principles:

1. Accept your feelings. We need to welcome and observe our feelings, rather than control them.
2. Do what you should be doing. Focus on the present moment and avoid intellectualising it. React to each moment sincerely and act accordingly.
3. Find your life’s purpose. Take charge of your actions each day. Develop a clear sense of purpose – this takes sincere, earnest introspection.

These principles can be felt in Morita’s mantra, which pairs well with Frankl’s approach to meaning:

What do we need to be doing right now? What action should we be taking?

(I do have a long-standing suspicion of the word “should”, though. It can be a trap.)

Morita’s approach to therapy

In their book Ikigai, the writers Héctor García and Francesc Miralles explore Morita’s approach to treatment. In its full form, the therapy takes 15 to 21 days and has 4 steps that involve totally detaching yourself from the world to varying degrees.^[2]

Removing yourself from your community and obligations is important, though. The goal of Morita’s therapy, as described in Ikagi is to help people find a sense of purpose that isn’t controlled by societal or emotional pressure.

1. Isolation and rest (5 to 7 days). Rest in a room with no external stimuli. Observe the rise and fall of your emotions until you’re bored.
2. Light occupational therapy (5 to 7 days). Perform simple, repetitive tasks in silence, while keeping a diary. The tasks include like gardening and drawing.
3. Occupational therapy (5 to 7 days). Do more intensive tasks (e.g. chopping wood) and immersion in activities like writing and ceramics. You can talk but only about the tasks themselves.
4. Return to social life and “real” world. Patient maintains meditation and occupational therapy.

Making it more manageable

Look: we don’t all have the space to completely disconnect from life and its myriad demands for 15 days just to figure out our purpose. But we can take some direction from Morita’s approach on a smaller time scale.

1. Pick a weekend you can dedicate to reflecting on what you want from life. Minimise other demands as much as possible – but don’t go chasing a perfect two days. Anything is better than nothing.
2. On day one, spend a couple of hours doing nothing at all. Just you in a room with your feelings and thoughts. Let yourself get properly bored.
3. Follow that up with a few hours doing simple tasks – drawing, gardening, colouring in, some kind of craft (no chores) – and jotting down some reflections.
4. On day two, spend a few hours doing more intensive tasks that are as physical as you can make them. Do some creative work on a bigger scale than the activities of day one.
5. As the day closes, reflect on where your attention and desires go. What ideas and notions spark passion and drive?

Realistically, a few hours spent over two days won’t free you from the demands and pressures of our society writ large. But any space to breathe and not feel them so acutely – and, ideally, not think about them at all – is space for you to connect with the things you truly draw energy from.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this process would be most effective when it prompts a level of earnestness that you find at least a little bit embarrassing. Lean into that. Embrace the hopeful dweeb inside you. They’re worth listening to from time to time.

The 30-second action plan

1. Book in some time to reflect on what you want from life. Follow the steps above in a way that’s helpful (don’t make it yet another unobtainable obligation in your life).
2. As you start your day, ask yourself what the day needs from you. List out the possibilities the day holds. Keep it as concrete as possible (e.g. “spend 30 minutes playing x game with the kids” vs “spend time with the family”). Don’t forget to include things that are specifically for you, too.
3. If you feel aimless or bored during the day, ask yourself what you need to be doing in that moment. Take 30 seconds to turn off your autopilot and make a deliberate choice about your next action. A warning: don’t let this just become about obligations and “being productive”. Hobbies are as important as anything else.

1. He also has the most delightful portrait on Wikipedia. ↩︎
2. Fun fact: Zen Buddhism always had ties to the wealthy mercantile class (as discussed by historian William Dalrymple in his book The golden road) . And Zen is a descendant of Taoism, described as generally being “a pursuit of older men, and especially of men who are retiring from active life in the community” by Alan Watts in his book The way of Zen. The legacy of having the money and/or time to dip out of life to contemplate your spirit lives on in Morita’s approach to therapy. ↩︎